No Air
by Thisishowitends
Summary: Events that follow after Donna's death, the grief and haunting guilt that's left in her wake. How Ross learns to cope without her and how it effects those around him. - Donna, Ross, Debbie, James, Pete and Finn.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: Okay guys, so this is loosely based on the events that follow from Donna's death.

Disclaimer: I do not own Emmerdale, nor the characters that I within the soap. Purely borrowing them and spinning them slightly.

He felt sick. He felt really, really sick. What had he gotten himself involved in? What had he done? He had really managed to mess things up. What was he going to do? There was no undoing any of it. It was one of those scenarios where you couldn't put the toothpaste back in the tube no matter how hard you tried. He couldn't get the toothpaste back in tube.

Why the hell was he thinking about toothpaste when what he really should be doing is running? He needed to get the hell out of there, far, far, far away and hide. He could hear the sirens approaching. They were getting louder and louder, fast gaining on him. But he couldn't move. His feet were rooted to the spot. He couldn't move muscle, apart from his chest, which was heaving. He was struggling to get any breath into his lungs. No matter how hard he tried to suck in a breath, desperate to get some breath of air, it wasn't working. It was making him panic more. None of it was helping. He needed to run!

He only just made it. He had managed to grab the bag that he had ditched on the rooftop when he saw what danger Donna was in. He grabbed the bag and ran. He had promised her. He had promised her that he would make sure Marlon or April would get their share. They would get all of it. He didn't want any of it now. Ross only done the job and planned to take the money because he thought the three of them were going to run away. They were going live a different life altogether after getting Gary North off of their backs. He had it all planned. She had even agreed to it! It was no use now. None of it was. He couldn't run away now. He couldn't run away with Donna.

As soon as Ross made it back into the village, he was overcome with the feeling to be sick again. The image of Donna lying broken at the bottom of the multi-storey car park made his stomach roll and his heart clench. He left her. He just left her dead beside the police car. Suddenly his stomach rebelled and he stumbled a few steps before he fell to his knees and retched.

His throat hurt, his head hurt. Not to mention his ribs and his stomach. Everything hurt. He had managed to wipe most of the blood off of his face. He'd gotten a few horrified looks when he stumbled around Leeds with facial wounds bleeding. Luckily he had ditched the police uniform for his clothes. He knew he still looked a mess but he didn't care.

"There you are?!" Debbie called to him as she rounded corner, the forecourt gravel crunching underneath her boots. "Do you care to tell me what the hell you were doing with that Astra? I take it, it was you that sped off down the village earlier?"

He didn't need this. He couldn't. He couldn't be dealing with Debbie in the state he was in. His head was all over the place.

"Hello, Ross? Are you even listening to me?!" Debbie exclaimed growing annoyed. She wasn't going to put up with members of her staff going off with her cars. "Oh, you look a state . . . what's happened?"

"Just leave me alone." Ross mumbled, wiping his sleeve across his mouth.

"Ur, excuse me?!"

Ross stood from his hunched position on the floor against a stone wall and headed towards Andy's.

"Ross?! Don't you dare walk away from me?"

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE, ALRIGHT?! BACK OFF!" Ross flew round at Debbie, spitting in her face as he shouted.

Debbie was definitely taken back by Ross's performance just then. His whole appearance was off. Something had happened, something bad had happened. He was covered in cuts and bruises. He looked badly shaken and if his mood swing was anything to go by he wasn't in a good place.

She was going to leave him be for now, give him time to cool down. She wasn't sure what state he would be in if she were to follow him now. She wasn't going to risk it. Debbie would go over to The Woolpack and speak to Chas. She was a good friend as well as Aunt, and she was going out with Ross's dad. She would know what to do. If not she would speak to James. The young mechanic had unsettled her. His eyes, they looked. . . She couldn't explain it. After everything that went on with Cameron in The Woolpack. . . She had seen a look in his eyes similar to that before. It was unnerving

He couldn't breathe again. His chest was heaving, trying and trying to get a breath but he was snatching at straws. He'd trashed the downstairs of the house. As soon as he stepped inside and slammed the front door shut behind himself, he's began tearing up the place. His emotions were all over the place, one minute he was terrified, the next overcome with grief and overwhelming sadness, and then blind rage took grip of him and wouldn't let him go until the entire place was destroyed.

Ross was sat on the floor in the kitchen, gasping for breath, amongst the broken breakfast stools and glasses. Tears streamed down his face, the cuts on his face stinging as the tears mixed with his blood.

"Ross! Open up! Ross, it's me! It's Debbie!" He jumped when she banged on the door, threatening to break it down. "Ross, I know. . . I know she's dead. Let me in Ross."

Debbie was the only one that knew about him and Donna. Nobody else knew.

"Ross, let me in please." She said more calmly.

He couldn't let her in. He was too consumed by trying to get some air into his lungs to do anything else. The house went back to being eerily quiet, his gasps filling the silence.

"Oh my god, Ross." Debbie had gone round the back and let herself in.

She was shocked by the chaos around her. What the hell had he done to the place? Andy was going to kill him. Her eyes looked around the room, taking the damage and destruction before they landed on Ross. Ross who was struggling to breath and turning paler.

"Oh god, oh god." Debbie panicked, rushing over to him and throwing herself down onto the floor beside him. She had no idea what she was doing. She had never been around anyone who was having a panic attack. What did she do?!

"I. . . can't brea-." Ross tried to tell her, clawing at the neckline of his jumper and tugging it down.

He felt like everything was clinging to him, his clothes were suffocating him, the walls were closing in and he was running out of air. This was his fault. He deserved this. He hadn't been able to stop Donna. He hadn't saved her.

"Ross you need to calm down." Debbie instructed him. She had placed her hands on either side of his face and guided him to look at her, and only her. "Ross, can you hear me."

What was Debbie doing in the house? Why was she here?

"Ross, I need you do what I do okay, breathe." Debbie tried to remain calm. She tried not to let his lip turning blue ever so slightly panic her. She needed to remain calm. She had to remain grounded if she was going to help Ross. Because Jesus Christ did he need it!

She kept one hand on his face, making sure he kept his attention on her and used her other to take hold of one of his hands and place it on her chest. She breathed deeply and exaggerated each breath to show Ross that he needed to copy her. If not she was going to have to call ambulance.

"Chas I need you to put James on the phone please." Debbie asked her Aunt and best friend.

"Why?" Chas asked concerned. It was odd thing for Debbie to ask, she hardly spoke to the man apart from the odd hello in passing. What did she have to tell him over the phone that seemed to be so urgent.

"Just do it. . . please. I need to talk to him." Debbie told her. "It's a about Ross."

She had managed to calm him down as much as she could. His breathing was back to normal and he colour in his skin was coming back slowly. He still looked like he was in shock. He was barely moving. He just sat on the sofa, where she had moved him to and hadn't said a word, let alone move. He was just staring straight ahead, a million thoughts and what if's running through his mind. He was scaring her. She hadn't a clue what to do. She knew that whatever had happened hadn't been a 100% squeaky clean.

Debbie had overheard in The Woolpack that Donna had died. She had been sat at the bar waiting to have a word with Chas, concerning Ross, when Bob had walked in. She couldn't help but listen into what he was telling Marlon and Laurel. The usual bright and smiley man was distraught. There had been an accident involving Donna. She died while on duty. Some nutter who she had been chasing had thrown himself off the top of a multi-storey car park and taken her with him. She hadn't stood a chance. She had left her little girl behind.

But that wasn't all. According to Marlon it was only a matter of time before she died. She had been dying of lung cancer.

As she sat at the bar for a few moments, not saying anything or doing anything, she began to string things together. Donna and Ross. A police woman and petty criminal. The stolen Astra this morning, Ross's hushed phone calls at work, his injuries today and his meltdown. They had been working together and in the process had fallen for each other. Her heart broke for Donna. She was one brave woman. She couldn't bear to think about what Donna had to go through. How devastated and distraught she was knowing she was having to leave her little girl behind, knowing she had a matter of weeks to live.

"Hello, Debbie? What is it?" James voice came on the phone.

"James I need you to come over to Andy's. It's Ross." Debbie told him.

"What about him? What's happened? He's not hurt is he?" A million thoughts scenarios ran through James's head. He hoped to god that Ross hadn't gotten himself shot again.

"Just get here and I'll tell you everything." Debbie said before hanging up the phone as she watched Ross.

Authors note: I hope you all liked this. The next chapter will involve more of James and how he interacts with Ross. This one was more focused on Debbie and Ross. Eventually I'll begin to add Pete and Finn and show how they cope with the situation that's thrown at them. Please do not be afraid to leave a comment and let me know what you think of this. Do you like it? Where do you think it should go?

I look forward to writing up the next chapter! Watch this space. X


	2. Chapter 2

He only had to knock once on the front door and Debbie threw it open, stepping back to allow James in before quickly shutting and locking it behind him. He too, like Debbie was taken aback by the destruction of the house. He still had no idea why he was here. Why Debbie had called him and told him to come over. Had Ross been robbed? Was he hurt badly?

Before he could step any further into the house, than the small hallway, Debbie grabbed hold of his arm to stop him. "I need you to listen to me, before you go in there." The small brunette told him. "I need you to promise me that you will listen to me."

"Yeah. . . of course. I'll listen." James assured her. "What is it? You're really starting to worry me now."

"You've heard the news, about Donna? That she died, she fell from the top of a car park. Her and Ross, they were . . . Her and Ross were seeing each other. Nobody new except me.-"

"You're kidding right? Donna and Ross? Is this a wind up because it's not a very funny one?" James said, studying her face to see if she was showing any signs of fooling him. "Has he put you up to this?"

"No! -. . . Him and Donna were seeing each other. I only knew because I saw them sneaking off together once. They made me swear to keep it a secret, they didn't want anyone to know." Debbie carried on. "He's through there in pieces. But there's more."

"More?"

"Donna was dying. She had cancer, apparently she only had a matter of weeks left to live."

"Did he know? Did Ross know she was dying?"

Debbie shook her head. "She was doing jobs with him."

"Jobs? What kind of jobs?" James questioned. Jobs usually meant something dodgy and corrupt where Ross was concerned. Donna was a Police woman.

"From what I can understand she was trying to put together money for April. I found this." Debbie explained. She picked up a bag from by her feet and opened it up for James to peer inside. Piles of money laid inside.

"Wh-. . . I don't- . . . Hang on minute there Debbie. Are you telling me that Donna, who was dying, was doing criminal jobs with my son, to put money away for her daughter's future?" James demanded to know. He was having trouble understanding it all. How had Ross gotten himself involved in something like this? Why Ross? "He doesn't know that she was dying?"

"No."

"Was he involved in what happened today, what happened to Donna?"

"He hasn't said anything, but I get the feeling he was involved somehow. I think whatever job they were on went wrong. He's a mess through there." Debbie told him, gesturing to behind the door that lead to the living room.

"I need to see him." James said, pushing his way past Debbie and through the door.

"James I need you to understand that he's not in any fit state."

"Oh my god."

James walked into the living room, stepping over broken book shelves, chairs and table legs. He crouched down in front of Ross so he could take a proper look at him. He had a large cut along his cheek bone, a bloody nose and a split lip. His expression was vacant. All he did was stare straight ahead, he didn't make any sign to show that he had noticed James was in the room in front of him.

"How long has he been like this?" James asked turning to Debbie who lingered in the door way.

"Urmm not long, before that I think he was having some sort of panic attack. He couldn't breathe." Debbie shuddered. She walked further into the room.

"Right okay." James breathed. He needed to take action and sort this mess out. "Debbie could you get some water and face cloth please."

Debbie nodded to show she had heard him and quickly left the room to fetch the items. She was glad she could get away, if only for a few short minutes. It was intense. It was all too intense and far too much for her to cope with.

"Right, Ross let's have a look at those injuries." James said, moving his hand to touch the side of Ross's face to turn it more into the light to have a proper look. As soon as his hand touched his face, Ross gasped, eyes darting around the room. It as if he had been switched off and completely un-alert of his surroundings before James had touched him. "Hey, hey it's okay."

"I need to-. . . I need to-." Ross rushed, trying to push himself off of the sofa.

James held him down with his hands on his son's shoulders. "You're not going anywhere you don't need to do anything. First of all we need to get you cleaned up properly." James said, noticing the blood smeared onto Ross's sleeve of his jumper.

Debbie returned with a face cloth and water, she placed them on the floor next to James and took a step back. She didn't want to get in the way or do anything wrong.

"Debbie could you go upstairs again for me and get a clean jumper and top for Ross please."

She took her time upstairs, gathering the things James had asked for. It took her a while to navigate around the young mechanics room. It was a typical young man's room, clothes all over the floor, dirty dinner plates and mugs on the sides and his bed unmade. During her search for a clean set of clothes for Ross, she came across a large duffel bag stuffed next to his door. Out of curiosity she opened it up. Inside she found a large stash of clothes, toiletries and his passport. She also found a brand new stuffed toy. It was the bag Ross was going to run away with. On the label, attached to the dog's ear, was April's name.

She couldn't stop the tear that escaped. She couldn't think about April not having a mum anymore. Donna had been snatched from that little girl's world. She wouldn't understand where her mummy has gone. She was going to be confused and sad and lonely. She couldn't stop thinking that it could have been Sarah a few months back. It could have been her that was killed and Sarah left without a mummy.

She pulled a black hooded sweatshirt from the bag and purple t-shirt. Wiping her eyes, she headed back downstairs.

James Barton soon patched Ross up and got him changed into a fresh top and hooded jumper. The young mechanic was going to be a bit sore for a few days. He had noticed the bruising on Ross's side and stomach as he had gotten himself changed, like a robot following out instructions.

"Ross I need you to listen carefully to me." James said. He was now seated on the sofa next to Ross. Debbie was busy trying to get the house back to normal as best she could starting in the kitchen. "Can you tell me exactly what happened today?"

Ross nodded. "we were-. . . we were meant to be on a job. We were only doing it to protect April and our families. He threatened to hurt April, to hurt finn again."

"Who? Who threatened to hurt April and Finn?" James questioned. He should have known it was all linked to whoever had tried to kill Finn. Ross had told him he had sorted it, that nobody was going to go after him again.

"Gary, Gary North threatened to kill-, he said if we don't do this job for him he would hurt those we cared about." Ross rambled.

"What was the job?"

"He needed us to get an envelope from the Safe of some club. I told Donna I would do it myself. I told her! I told her I could handle it. Why didn't she listen?!" Ross began to get worked up. "Why did she make me let her get in on it? I knew it wasn't safe."

"Ross calm down." James tried.

Ross flew up from his seat on the sofa and began pacing the room. "Why didn't she listen to me!" He yelled before his fist flew into the wall, leaving a hole in the plaster. "Why didn't she listen to me? She would still be alive."

James stood up. "Ross I need you to tell me what happened so I can help you."

"We got caught. The owner of the club caught us."

"And that's when. . ." He didn't like to say it.

"We managed to get out, with no help from Adam.-"

Adam? What was Adam doing getting involved?

". . . He had guns trained on us. I was too far away. . . He- he threatened April!" Ross carried on explaining, the images all too clear in his head. His hands were now on his head, his fingers gripping on to his hair. He didn't want the images in his head. He didn't want them. He wanted to rip them from his head. They were all too much, too vivid. "She handcuffed herself to him. I couldn't-. . . I couldn't-. . . I – I couldn't save her."

"That was when she fell? When he pulled her over with him." James asked. That was what they had been told, she'd been pulled down.

Ross shook his head, his pacing began to increase again. Debbie had stopped what she was doing, focusing her attention on what Ross was saying. She wanted to know the full story.

"She told me-. . ."

"Just take your time Ross." James told him, wanting to do something to stop him from working himself up again.

"She said it wasn't true. That she did love me. She said she was lying in the car. It was all lies . . . if she did love me then why did she throw herself off the roof? Why did she do that dad?"

He was looking to James for answers now. Answers which James didn't have.

The older farmer took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts, think of a way to approach the matter. He needed to tell Ross about the cancer. He needed to know. Best he found out from him, then from someone in the village.

"She was dying Ross." Debbie spoke up.

"You what?"

"She was dying Ross. She had lung cancer." Debbie repeated. "She only had a few weeks left."

"No you're lying. She was too healthy to have cancer, she didn't look ill."

"She wasn't having chemo." She had overheard that as well while she was in the pub.

Ross was silent. He had stopped pacing. He was thinking. He was trying to rap his head around everything.

"She would have told me."

"She's not lying Ross, Donna had cancer. She didn't have much longer left." James told him.

"How do you know?" Ross spat.

"Debbie overheard them in the pub."

"None of it makes sense."

"She was dying Ross. She was doing jobs with you so she could get money and put it away for April. She was doing what any mother would. She found out she was dying and wanted to know that her daughter would be looked after." Debbie expressed. "Why else do you think a police officer like her would go bent?"

"She was using me."

"No!"

"She was using me. She was lying. She really didn't love me. She was just saying she did so I would do all these jobs for her. I risked everything for her! And like the mug I am I fell for it!" Ross exploded. He was in destructive mode, lashing out at everything and anything. He wasn't listening.

"Ross listen to me!" Debbie screamed. "She loved you. She was doing what any mother would put in that position. Hell, I would too!"

"She used me."

"She didn't use you! She trusted you with her last words!" Debbie shouted at him. She wanted him to understand. He wasn't listening. "She trusted you with her last words Ross. Her last words were telling you that she loved you."

Ross was silent. It all hurt too much. His chest hurt. It was being crushed. The pain of losing her was all too much. He never knew that losing someone would hurt this bad, not just mentally but physically too. He didn't know if he could cope with losing her. It wasn't fair.

"She loved you." Debbie whispered.

"I need to get this to April." Ross burst out, all of sudden he began searching round the house looking for the bag that was hiding all the money. "Where is it . . . Where is it?!"

"Where's what Ross?" James asked, watching his son as he manically began to tip things over, moving things around in his search.

"The bag, where's the bag?"

"Ross just sit down."

"No, Donna made me promise that I would get it to her daughter. She made me promise!" Ross argued, his search becoming more erratic.

"It can wait, maybe it's not such a great idea right now."

"I can't- . . . she made me promise, I need to-."

"Ross-."

"No! I need to. I promised."

"Ross!" James grabbed hold of the young mechanic's arm to stop him from looking.

He was in no fit state to be going round and giving April Donna's money. He was a mess. He was all over the place. He was in no good place to be interacting with a child who had just lost their mum. Not only that but they were grieving, trying to get their hands round it all themselves. Marlon and laurel didn't need Ross going over there and making things worse, even more complicated. He doubt Marlon new about Donna's corrupt ways. What would he say if he saw Ross giving his daughter Donna's money? He would begin asking questions. The police might be involved. No, he wasn't going round there. He was to stay well away.

Ross violently ripped his arm from James's grip. His eyes wild as he turned on his own dad. "Get your hands off of me."

"Easy Ross. Just calm down." James calmly ordered. Debbie stood back in the kitchen area, unsure of what Ross was going to do next.

"Calm down? You're telling me to calm down? My girlfriend just died." Ross threw back James, his voice breaking. "I just watched my girlfriend kill herself. I watched her throw herself off of a building and broken at the bottom. . ."

"I know, I know." James soothed, closing the distance between himself and his son. He wanted to make it all go away. He did, he really did.

"-No. You don't know. I do! All I can see over and over again in my head is her throwing herself off that roof . . . and silence, and then just-. . . just-." He tried to tell them, before the images all got to much. He began clawing at his head, balling his hand into a fist he hit himself in the side of the head a few time. Anything to stop the images from playing out in his head. He couldn't replay is again. He wanted to forget.

"Woah, easy! Ross. . . Ross!" James exclaimed, rushing closer and grabbing hold of his the young man's wrists to stop him from hurting himself. "Easy, easy Ross." He whispered, as he broke down in his arms. He wrapped his arms around the young man and just allowed him to breakdown.

Authors note: Really unsure if anyone is really interested in this at all.


	3. Chapter 3

"I think I'll be staying the night here." James spoke to Chas on the phone.

After Ross had broken down in his arms, all of his energy spent, tiredness had claimed him. He had guided the young man to his room and left him to sleep in his bed. Still fully clothed when he got under the covers, but that didn't matter. Together, James and Debbie had done a pretty good job of clearing up the destruction that had lied in Ross's wake. It took them a good forty minutes to get everything back to as normal as they could get. Some things were beyond repair though. He had to explain to Andy the holes in the plaster, the broken door panel, broken glasses and picture frames when the young farmer had returned to his home. Thankfully he had loads of practise explaining Ross's messes and doing damage control where his son was involved.

He was sat in the living room, on the phone to Chas. Andy had gotten back quite late and had gone straight upstairs after James had explained things to Andy. He hadn't told him the full storey, just as much as he needed to know regarding the mess of his house. Ross was still asleep upstairs, the poor man was completely wiped out.

"He's not in a good way Chas. I daren't leave him. I'll explain everything to you when I see you later." He assured her. She was only worrying, but that couldn't be helped.

He must have dozed off on the sofa after finishing his phone call to Chas. Because the next thing he was aware of was waking up the shouts of Ross upstairs.

James shot up from the sofa and launched himself towards the stairs. It sounded like the young Barton was stuck in a nightmare.

"Noooo!"

"DONNA!"

"DONNA! . . . DONNA! PLEASE! DON'T!" Ross cried out in his sleep, his voice travelling around the whole cottage. "DONNA!"

It was quite obvious that the young man was quite distressed. Even asleep it seemed he was still a mess. James reached the top of the stairs, the same time Andy appeared from his room. The young farmer had been woken by Ross too.

"What's going on?" Andy asked, still asleep himself.

"Its fine I've got it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry." James instructed him, before he walked into Ross's room.

The young mechanic was thrashing his head from side to side on his pillow, locked in a nightmare he was struggling to get out. Sweat poured from his face and body, his clothes sticking to his skin. His expression was pained as he yelled again.

"Ross! Ross, it's okay you're only dreaming!" James tried. He had ran over to him, shaking him to get him to wake up.

He was stuck on the roof top again. The red laser was trained on him, freezing him to the spot. All he could do was stand and watch as Donna hand cuffed herself to Gary North. He couldn't move. He didn't care that there was a red laser trained on him, it didn't matter. He didn't care about himself. He knew how it was going to end. He had already seen Donna kill herself.

It wasn't the laser in the nightmare that was keeping him frozen to the spot. He didn't know what it was, but it wasn't that. His legs wouldn't move. He couldn't move. They weighed a tonne. No matter how hard he tried to put one foot in front of the other he couldn't. Something was holding him back. He couldn't run towards her. He couldn't close the distance between them. He couldn't save her.

"What I said earlier Ross. . ." Donna turned to him. "I meant it. I don't love you." She spat before throwing herself from the building.

His chest was crushed. How could she say that?

"Ross! Wake up." James called him as he shook him once again. "Ross!"

His eyes shot wide open, gasping as he tried to make sense of everything. For a few moments he had no idea where he was. He had been stuck on the rooftop again. But as he looked around he was sitting up in bed, his dad perched on the edge looking worried, scared even.

"It's okay, you're alright. You're at home." James tried to assure him. "Just take deep breaths."

He screwed his eyes shut and scrubbed his hands over his face, falling back against his pillows. It was all real. It hadn't been a nightmare. Donna was still dead. Everything was still screwed up.

"Get out."

"Ross-."

"I SAID GET OUT!" He roared, his hands still covering his face. Tears had begun to fall and he couldn't hold them back. He didn't want his dad seeing him like this. He didn't want him to see him vulnerable. Only Donna got to see that side of him.

The next day James still hadn't left the cottage. He daren't leave Ross alone, the state he was in. Andy had left in the morning, to take the kids out to some adventure park somewhere. He had been feeling guilty about not being, what he thought to be, a good enough dad for the past few weeks. All morning and early part of the afternoon, Ross had remained upstairs in his room. He had heard a few doors slam upstairs, most probably the younger man going to the bathroom and retreating back to his room again. But apart from that he hadn't heard a thing. He had thought about making him something to eat and taking it up to him, but he knew it would only be thrown back in his face.

It was mid-afternoon when Pete knocked on the front door and let himself in. He had gone into The Woolpack during his lunch with hope that he would bump into his dad. He had been informed by Chas that as far as she knew he was still over at Andy's.

"What are you doing here?" Pete questioned his dad as he stood in the door way of the living room.

"I should be asking you the same thing." James responded, standing from the sofa and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Well . . ?" Pete pushed. "You're meant to be at the farm today. Had to go to that meeting this morning instead of you."

"-Oh! The new contractors." James exclaimed, it had completely slipped his mind.

"Yeah, don't worry I had it covered." Pete told him. "What was so important here that meant you missing that important meeting? We would have been in big trouble if we had lost them today."

"It's Ross."

"What has he done now?"

"Sit down and I'll explain everything." James told him, sitting back down on the sofa. His expression darkened, making Pete become concerned.

". . . So you can see why I've been here all day." James explained.

Pete sat forward, resting his head in his hand for a brief moment as he let it all sink in. "Is he? . . . Did he see her?" Pete tried to ask.

James nodded his head. He didn't know how Ross was coping with it all. He had seen the woman he love die.

"How is he?"

James shrugged his shoulders. He honestly didn't know.

Neither of them were aware that Ross had snuck out his room and was crouched down on the stairs, listening to them.

"What the hell were they doing though? How did it end up with her dead?" Pete questioned. "Surely they knew it wouldn't end happily ever after getting mixed up with high end criminals like that?!"

"Pete-."

No, Ross wanted to hear more. He wanted to hear exactly what his older brother thought of it.

"No, let him finish." Ross said making them both jump as he walked into the room. "Go on."

Pete stayed silent, just staring back at his brother wondering what the hell had gone wrong.

"Go on! I'm sure you have more to say then that. You're always the first to point out my mistakes!" Ross barked. "Go on! Finish what you were saying!"

"Ross."

"No, I want to hear him finish."

"I'm on your side mate." Pete said standing up. He didn't want to argue. He could clearly see that Ross was going through something. He looked worn out. Dark circles rimmed his younger brother's eyes.

"Since when have you ever been on my side?" Ross roared, looking his brother up and down. He was looking for a fight. He all this pent up rage and nowhere to rid it. His emotions were everywhere.

"Take it easy, yeah?" Pete said before he was violently shoved backwards. "I'll let that slide."

"Why because my girlfriend's dead?!"

Pete shook his head.

"Come on then."

James stood from his seat, ready to intervene if need be. He had no idea how he could stop his son going into complete self-destruct mode. He was completely out of his depth.

"I'm not going to fight you Ross."

"No? Why's that?"

"You're clearly upset. You need to calm down." Pete said, trying to defuse his younger brother.

"'Clearly upset'? You think? I wonder why that is?" Ross choked.

"Why don't you sit down, I'll put the kettle on." James said. The older man headed towards the kitchen and flicked the kettle on.

"No. I'm going out." Ross told him, still glaring at his brother.

"Out? Where?"

James was scared of what Ross would do next. He didn't need him bumping into Marlon or Bob. Who knows what he would tell them. They all needed to keep quiet.

"To find Adam." Ross barked at them both before he flew out the door, leaving them all baffled why he would be going to look for him.

He had had time to think. After waking up covered in a cold sweat, shaking and his mind reeling from a nightmare he had decided not to fall back asleep again. He was terrified that he would have another nightmare. It was bad enough while he was awake that his mind kept being pulled back to Donna's death, let alone asleep where he was trapped. So he had spent most of the night and day sat in his room, staring at the four walls thinking through everything again and again, trying to think of what he could have done to make it end differently. There were so many what if's.

The one what if that had come to mind repeatedly was being caught in the nightclub by the owner. If they hadn't of been caught they would have made it out alright with envelope. They could have been able to give the envelope to Gary North and it would have been fine. North would have backed off, he would have gotten what he wanted. There would be no more threats on April or anyone that they cared about. They would have been able to walk away. Donna, him and April would have been able to run away, start all over again, somewhere new. But they had been caught. They hadn't been able to make it out of the nightclub with the envelope. Donna hadn't made it out alive. It was Adam

Adam hadn't been there to stop them from being caught. He had one job, one little job and he had fucked it up. He hadn't been able to keep the owner away from the club. All he had to do was that one thing. If it hadn't been for him messing up his part in the job then they would have all made it out alive. He and Donna and April would be in London right now, they would be together.

He was going to find him. He had noticed that he hadn't returned back home last night. He was avoiding him. He knew he had done wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't take him long to track down Adam. He went straight over to the farm and found him hiding out in the living room. He had stormed into the farm house, causing Cain and Moira to both protest when he entered and headed straight towards Adam. He grabbed the younger man by the collar before either of the other two knew what was happening. Adam looked petrified.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're playing at?!" Cain fumed. He wasn't going to put up with anyone storming into his house and starting fights. The kitchen door had nearly been taken off its hinges. First Aaron turning up from France and somehow getting himself linked to Donna's death with Adam and now Ross showing up threatening to knock Adam into next week. What the hell was going on? Someone needed to start explaining.

"He killed Donna." Ross bit out through his clenched jaw. He was furious. He was full of pure rage and he needed to get it out before he lost his head.

"What?!" Moira exclaimed horrified. No way would her son kill anyone. What was he talking about?

"He killed my girlfriend. If it hadn't of been for him, she would still be alive." Ross barked, his hands still holding Adam up by his collar. He shook him to emphasise his point. "She would still be alive. She SHOULD still be alive."

"Someone needs to start explaining things, and fast." Cain ordered, glowering at them both. He didn't know what they gotten themselves caught up in but it didn't sound good. He had already had the police round asking questions about a stolen car and asking for a statement from him too. He had seen the cctv footage of the car with Aaron and Adam running away from it at the station. The police had said they had reason to believe it was connected to Donna's death.

"Why don't you tell them Adam? Tell them all about how you screwed up the one job that you had." Ross spat, throwing Adam down onto the sofa. "Go on!"

"Well. . . I'm waiting." Cain bit out, glaring at them.

* * *

They had moved from the living room into the kitchen. Adam and Moira had sat down at the table. Whereas Ross and Cain had remained standing. The young mechanic had too much pent up anger him, he was too wired to sit still. He was leant up against the kitchen sink, biting his nails as he glared holes into Adam's skull. Cain had remained standing in case he needed to step in at any point. He could see that Ross was a loose cannon.

"Now are one of you going to start explaining to me, what the hell you have gotten yourselves involved in. I've already had the police knocking round. I need to know what I'm dealing with." Cain told them, resting his hands on the back of a chair.

"Adam here screwed up!" Ross spat.

"-I screwed up, yeah alright." Adam piped up, looking guilty. "I was meant to stop the owner from getting back to the club."

"Fat lot of good you were!" Ross growled. "You couldn't even do that. What stopped you? Chicken out did ya?"

"I got distracted." Adam admitted. He couldn't tell them about Aaron.

"Distracted?!"

"Yeah, alright?" Adam said quietly, shutting his eyes when Ross ripped into another one.

"'Distracted'! You couldn't afford to get 'distracted'. You getting 'distracted' cost my girlfriend her life!" Ross roared, pushing himself away from the kitchen sink and getting into Adam's face. "You promised us that you could handle it! Remember!"

"I could-."

"No you couldn't Adam!" Ross exploded. "You couldn't!" His voice broke, tears falling from his eyes once more.

"I would have been able to if they hadn't of distracted me-." Adam slipped, unable to see Ross in such a state.

"If who?"

"If they-." Adam tried to cover up. He couldn't tell them about Aaron. He was still on the run, who knows what any of them would do. He couldn't trust them to keep his best friend back in the country a secret.

"If who Adam? Who's they?" Ross pushed, wanting to know who and what the young farmer was talking about. What wasn't he telling him?

"If who Adam? Who else is involved?" Moira asked. She needed to know. She needed to know that they wouldn't come up on the police's radar and drop Adam into it too if they did. "Who else?"

Cain stood opposite Adam glaring at him, silently threatening him not to speak about Aaron.

"WHO ELSE?!" Ross thundered. He was beginning to lose it again. He needed to know where it all started to go wrong, what the main reason was for Donna ending up killed. He needed to know. If Adam didn't start spilling information soon he was going to resort to beating it out of him. If he didn't get any information that way at least it would make him feel better, someone to take it all out on. "Who else?!"

"I can't-." Adam began before Ross ripped him out of his seat and pinned him against the back wall.

Moira and Cain both jumped into action, surprised at how quick Ross had moved.

The young mechanic repeatedly smashed Adam against the wall. "TELL ME ADAM!" Ross spat in his face, pure rage filling him.

"Get off of him!" Moira shrieked not stepping any closer unsure of what Ross would do.

Cain tried grabbing Ross to pull him off, only to get forcefully shoved backwards, smashing back into the kitchen table. He saw red himself then. He wasn't going to stand for anyone shoving him around. This was his house.

"Get off of him Ross, I'm warning you." Cain threatened as he closed the distance between them.

"No! I want him to tell me who got in the way of him doing his job!" Ross told them. He grabbed Adam by the face hard.

"Get off of him Ross."

Nobody had noticed James and Pete arriving at the farm house. The door had been left open after Ross's sudden appearance. They had been too preoccupied with trying to keep Ross from killing Adam to notice anyone else in the room. They had all turned round at James grave warning. It hadn't stopped Ross though. He still had hold of the young farmer, pinned up against the wall with no signs of letting him go anytime soon, not until he got his answers. He needed to know what happened, what went wrong. There was too many questions going through his mind and he was desperately trying to find the answers.

"Put him down Ross." James warned again, stepping further into the room.

"Not until he tells me what stopped him." Ross growled. He was like a dog with a bone.

"You need to calm down." Moira told him. She had no idea how any of them were going to defuse the situation. She was unsure of what Ross was going to do next, she was scared for Adam.

Ross soon whipped round, he had shoved Adam back into the wall before he turned on Moira. The young farmer had let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, rubbing his chest from where Ross's knuckles had dug in. "I am SICK OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN!" Ross exploded on his aunt. Why couldn't anybody understand?

Cain, James and Pete had all jumped to then. All of them had thought that Ross was going to hit out at the woman. They feared he would at that moment. All of them thinking the worse of Ross. He never would, but they didn't think that at the time when they saw how angry the young man looked. They had no idea what he was going to do.

Pete had stepped in front of Moira, hoping to block her if he needed to. Cain had grabbed hold of one of the young mechanic's arms while James had grabbed the other. They daren't risk Ross lashing out. "Get off of me!" He thrashed out, trying to rip his arms from their grip.

"Just take it easy-."

"NOOOO!" He screamed, grabbing a mug off of the kitchen table and throwing it at the wall.

The mug smashed to pieces and everyone went silent. All shocked at the sudden turn in events.

"Get him out of my house." Cain ordered. He had had enough. "Now."

"Don't worry I'm going." Ross growled before turned to Adam. "You better be bloody good at hiding, next time mummy and Cain won't be there to protect you. I will find out the truth!" He threatened.

"Just get out Ross." James instructed.

* * *

Outside, James and Pete followed Ross a few steps behind as he stormed past the out houses and towards the fields. He needed to calm down and they needed to come with a better plan on helping him with what he was going through. It was obvious he couldn't cope. There was nobody they could turn to in terms of knowing what to do. It was a unique situation, one which they had no idea how to deal with it. They were finding it hard themselves to get their heads around it all without even thinking of what Ross would be going through. It was hard to imagine the guilt and anguish that the younger man was dealing with.

Ross reached an old farm gate and rested his arms on the railings, sagging against the frame as he felt mentally drained. He didn't know what he was doing. He had no idea what had happened in there. He had just lost it. Donna would have killed him for what he had done in there. She would have been disappointed him. He seemed he couldn't stop disappointing the ones he cared about. His breath hitched as his chest tightened and he couldn't hold back the heart wrenching sob that escaped. He didn't notice when Pete wrapped his arm around him, pulling him into a hug as he broke down in his arms. He couldn't stop the tears from falling.

* * *

Authors note: Thank you so much for the kind reviews! I was getting a bit worried that it was all a bit naff! But you have definitely assured me and given me inspiration to continue, thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

Finn had finished work and arrived back to the farm. He had walked back, he was still saving for a car. Working in a B&B as a chamber maid and all round skivvy didn't give him a great pay packet, so it was taking time to save up for a half decent car. He couldn't help but notice his dad standing in the middle of the yard, staring off to something going on out of his sight as he walked up the drive. He was a little put off by the look his dad had, he looked tired and worn, full of concern and worry. It was only until he reached his dad could he see exactly what he was staring at, Pete and Ross. He was taken back to see the two of them within a metre of each other without either of them fighting. Even more so when he saw that Pete had his arms around Ross and he wasn't even fighting him off.

"What's happened?" Finn asked his dad. "Who's died?" He had never seen Ross cry in such a way before, broken down like he was watching now. What had happened?

James looked at Finn for a brief second. "Wrong choice of words."

"Why what's gone on? Is Auntie Moira okay? Adam?" Finn panicked.

"You've heard about Donna?" James asked. It was making its rounds through the village, he wouldn't be surprised if everyone knew of her death by now.

Finn nodded his head.

* * *

"Should we go check on him?" Finn asked them.

They were sat downstairs round Andy's. After Ross had composed himself, they had taken him back home to his. As soon as they stepped through the door, he went straight upstairs and into the shower, locking the bathroom door behind him. James had gone through to the kitchen and had set about making them all a cup of tea. They all needed to come together as a family. That's how they all found themselves sat in silence in Andy's living room, sipping on cups of tea and listening to the shower run upstairs.

Ross had been in the shower for over half an hour, the hot water used up long ago.

Pete shook his head. "Best to just leave him." He told his little brother.

"But what if. . ." Finn started, trying to explain his concern for his older brother. He had never seen him like that.

"He needs some time to himself. He needs time to get his head round everything." James told his youngest son, sat at the table. "His head is all over the place right now. That's why we all need to be there for him, okay?"

Both son's nodded their heads.

"I hate to think what's going through his head." James sighed, rubbing his hand down his face.

"He saw his girlfriend die. He watched her top herself. I'm sure whatever is going in his head is pretty screwed up-." Finn began.

"Yes thank you Finn!" James cut off.

"So what do you propose we all do then?" Pete asked, setting his cup of tea down on the coffee table in front of him. ". . . We can't sit around here all the time."

"I don't know. I just need to make sure he's going to be okay." James told them.

"But will he ever be okay?" Finn commented.

* * *

Upstairs, Ross had needed to have a shower. He had hoped that it would help wash away how disgusted he felt with himself. He needed to clear his head. Everything was messing with his mind. He just needed to stop, get a clear mind and start again. He was tired too. He felt embarrassed with how he had broken down in his brothers arms like that. He was supposed to be a hard man. Nobody was to ever think he was soft. They were all going to think that now. He had been a mess back at the farm outside.

He had taken his time in the shower, making sure he was good before he stepped out and wrapped a towel around himself. He hadn't realised how long he had been in the shower for, not even when the water began to run lukewarm, then cold. He had been too focused on thinking, trying to stop any bad thought from entering his mind to notice anything else.

Ross had ignored his packed duffel bag by his bedroom door, containing most of his clothes. When he had packed it with the intention of running away with Donna and April, he had fitted in as much as clothes as he could and needed. He knew if he took too much it would only slow them down as they ran. With all the money they had stolen he knew whatever he had left behind or needed, he could replace anyway when they got to where they were going. Instead he rummaged through a pile of clean clothes in a basket on the side and picked out a pair of jeans, t-shirt and jacket. He threw them on with little care and fixed his hair into its usual style before going downstairs.

* * *

"Here he is." James greeted when Ross appeared downstairs. He stood to his feet to take in his son's appearance. "How do you feel?"

Ross nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now thanks." He lied to them. "I just needed to, you know, and a shower helped."

Pete nodded his head understanding, he would always be there for him even though he could be a complete idiot a lot of the time.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." James said patting him lovingly on the arm.

"Yeah I am thanks. You don't have to hang around here any longer, I'm fine I swear." Ross told them. "You've got your own lives to be getting back to."

"We're alright, we want to be here for you." Finn assured him.

"Honestly guys, I'm fine. I'm just going to go back to bed, I'm dead tired." Ross pushed. He wanted them to leave.

"Are you sure? One of us can stay if you want?" James said searching Ross's face for a sign that leaving him was a bad idea.

"Dad I'm fine. I'm just gonna sleep."

"Okay then, if you insist. You know where we all are if you need any of us." James told him. "Just call us and we'll be here."

"I'll be fine." Ross said, standing back to allow them all access to the front door.

* * *

He had a bad feeling about leaving Ross alone at the cottage by himself, after everything he had been through in the past thirty six hours. He had assured him that he was fine and just needed to sleep. He looked okay as he could be considering. There was nothing screaming at him to not leave the grown man alone. But that night as he laid awake next to Chas in bed, he couldn't escape the bad feeling telling him that maybe he should have stayed.

* * *

Ross was sat at the little breakfast in his kitchen, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and an empty glass in the other. Andy had returned home at nine, had spent a little time downstairs making light conversation with Ross who had carried on pretending everything was just fine, before he retired to bed. He had been exhausted after a long day with Jack and Sarah at the adventure park. Ross had remained downstairs in silence. A little while later after Andy had left him he had looked in the cupboards, looking for something to take the edge off. He had found a bottle of whiskey at the back of a cupboard, it belonged to Andy as present from his dead dad. He didn't care. He just wanted to get drunk and the whiskey, whoever is belonged to, would do just that.

He was on his fourth or fifth glass. His vision had blurred and his head had grown fuzzy. It had done the trick. He was no longer seeing Donna fall to her death. No longer hearing her body hit the car when she reached the bottom or seeing the blood that surrounded her head. He was thinking of anything.

* * *

He must have passed out at the breakfast bar. He woke up the next morning feeling rough, his neck stiff and his mouth feeling like a sandpit. Lifting his head up he felt the effects of last night's drinking even more, pain throbbed behind his eyes as he looked around.

It was only six a clock. Andy hadn't woken up yet, he didn't need to now that he was leave from the farm. It was lucky. He hadn't caught Ross downing nearly half a bottle of his whiskey. The young mechanic made quick work of hiding any evidence of his drinking last night. He hid the bottle back in the back of the cupboard, behind other bottles and kitchen roll and laundry powder. Hopefully the farmer wouldn't find it anytime soon.

As he stood from his crouched position in front of the cupboard in the kitchen he caught sight of a £50 note sticking out from underneath the bottom of another cupboard. The corner of the note sticking out ever so slightly. Debbie and James must have missed it when they had cleared up the house after he had trashed it. Ross pulled it out and looked at it. He couldn't remember any money lying around when had destroyed everything. He hadn't touched the bag containing Donna's money. It was her money. He wouldn't do that.

He needed to find the money and get it to April. He hadn't done that yet. He had promised Donna he would make sure she or Marlon got the money. He promised.

He stuffed the note into his back pocket as he stood and began to look around for the bag where he had stashed the money. Where was it? He began turning things over. As more time passed his search began to become more erratic. He didn't care if he was messing things up, he needed to find the money.

He wasn't thinking straight, again, when looked for the bag. He was looking in places where it obviously couldn't be. He pulled the cushions off of the sofa, pulled things out of cupboards and emptied the cupboard under the stairs. He needed to find that bag. He couldn't let her down anymore.

"What the hell are playing at?" Andy demanded to know as he thundered down the stairs in his boxers and t-shirt having just been woken by all the noise coming from downstairs. He was shocked to see his usually sort of tidy place looking like a bomb had hit it.

"I'm looking for my bag." Ross told him in a matter of fact way as he continued to look. "Have you seen it?"

"What bag?"

"My bag! You know my navy rucksack!? Where is it?" Ross exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air before running them through his hair and taking a deep breath. "It's got to be around here!"

There was no chance of them finding anything with the place in such a state. They wouldn't be able to find the tv remote or the kettle.

"Where did you last have it?" Andy asked. It was obvious there was still something not right with the younger man.

"Down here!"

"I can't be far." Andy said. "Are you sure you didn't move upstairs to your room?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I left it down here."

"Well it can't hurt to have a look can it? Go look, I'll carry on down here."

"Okay."

* * *

The rucksack was beside his packed duffel bag in his room. Of course he hadn't noticed it. He hadn't even looked its way when he had been in his room the other evening. He didn't want to be reminded that he and Donna were never running away together. Who had moved it upstairs? He certainly hadn't.

As he picked up the bag full of money, his hand brushed against the cuddly dog that stuck out of his duffel bag. It was a present for April.

"Did you find it?" Andy asked Ross, as he threw the cushions back onto the sofa and picked up the pile of magazines that had been knocked off of the coffee table.

"Yeah."

"Where're you going?" Andy questioned.

"Out." Ross answered before slamming the door shut behind himself.

* * *

Authors note: thank you once again for kind words.


	6. Chapter 6

He stood outside Tall Trees for quite some time. The bag of money tightly gripped in his hands as he stared up at the house. He had promised Donna that he would make sure April or Marlon would get their share of the money. It was why she had done what she had did. She had died protecting them all. She died knowing that Ross would give April the money. Donna wouldn't be alive to watch her daughter grow up or be there when she needed to borrow a tenner for the bus and lunch at school. But she knew she could be there in other ways. She died knowing that with the money April would want for nothing, it was one less thing for her to worry about. And it was now up to him to carry out that promise and give the money over.

He hoped that when he got there he could just leave the money on the door stop and just go. He didn't want anyone to see him. Marlon and laurel would only ask questions. Where did the money come from? Why was he living the money at theirs? He couldn't tell them the truth. He couldn't tell them about Donna. He knew she wouldn't want her daughter knowing she had been a corrupt cop. She wanted her daughter growing up she had died for her, thinking the best of her. She had only done what she had did for her. She had done everything for that little girl. He wasn't going to be the one to ruin April's memories of her mum. He wasn't going to do that.

Ross stared up at the house, looking for signs of anyone being awake. Once certain that nobody was awake, he crept up the garden path making sure he stayed down and hidden. He left the bag at the doorstep, made sure it was zipped and secure. He was completely unaware of a little face peeking out from behind a curtain upstairs, watching him as he sneaked away.

* * *

"What are you doing at work?" Debbie asked him when turned up at work at eight that morning.

After leaving the money at Marlon's he had gone for a walk around the roads surrounding the village, away from everyone. He was able to get away from the village for a bit and just pretend that the past few days hadn't happened. That she was still a live and it was all just some sick nightmare.

"Working."

"I can see that."

Ross clapped his hands. "Give the girl a medal."

"Oi, careful you. Just because you're going through a rough time doesn't mean you can speak to me like that." Debbie scolded him as she sat her desk. "You know I don't expect you to come in today at all?"

"Well consider yourself surprised then." Ross said sarcastically as he made his way to the back of the garage to put his overalls on.

He immersed himself in work all day, not even taking time out for a tea or lunch break. He kept himself hidden underneath cars the whole day. Even when Cain came storming round the garage shouting his mouth off, he didn't pull himself out from underneath a Volvo, not until Cain pulled him out.

"I've just had Marlon round mine!" Cain told them. "Can you tell me why that is?"

Ross shrugged his shoulders, his head down as he stared at his shoes.

"No? He accused me of living a dirty great amount of money in a bag on his doorstep. His little girl told him that somebody from the garage had left it there this morning." Cain fumed. "Care to tell me what the hell you're playing at?"

Ross remained silent. Debbie didn't say anything either. She flickered her eyes between the two.

"Well? How could you be so stupid?"

"I didn't-."

"You didn't what? You didn't think?" Cain barked.

"I promised her I would."

"Well promises aren't a lot of good to her now are they? You're just causing problems for everyone else!" Cain continued. "How could you be so stupid?"

"Dad, take it easy yeah." Debbie tried. She didn't want any of them say anything they would later regret.

"Take it easy? I've just had Marlon round mine threatening to go the police."

"And he won't. It's just threats, he wouldn't shop his own family."

"What do you mean shop his own family?" Ross questioned, properly listening now. He was of no relation to Marlon and neither was Adam, only by distant marriage.

"Oh well done Debbie." Cain snapped.

"Tell me what you mean by that? What family?" Ross demanded to know.

"Ross its nothing-."

"No, tell me." Ross threatened. "Or I'll go over to Marlon's and ask him myself."

What were they not telling him? They were hiding something from him.

"It's Aaron." Cain started. There was no point hiding it from him any longer. He couldn't stop Ross from going to Marlon and asking him. He needed to keep Ross from doing or saying anything he would later regret.

"-Dad!" Debbie exclaimed. What had he done?!

"There's no point. He's going to find out. I can't have him going round to Marlon's and spilling everything." Cain said.

"What do you mean Aaron? Chas's son? What's he got to do with anything?" Ross questioned, even more confused than before.

"He was the one that stopped Adam-."

"Stopped Adam? You're telling me this Aaron is the reason why Adam screwed up and Donna died?" Ross roared, as he began to pace the floor. He could feel the anger build up in him again. "I'm gonna kill him."

"You won't be stepping anywhere near him, do you hear me?" Cain threatened Ross. He was very protective over his nephew, especially after everything he had put himself through in the past few years. He wasn't going to have anybody upsetting him. "You so much as lay a finger on him and you'll have me to answer for, do understand?"

"I don't care." Ross spat. At the moment it was just Cain standing in his way of getting out of the garage and going after this Aaron.

"Oh you will care. You won't be going anywhere near him if you know what's best for you." Cain promised.

"I don't care."

"Ross, just listen to him. It's not Aaron you should be blaming for any of this." Debbie interjected. She too was protective of her cousin.

"Who should I be blaming then? Donna for topping herself? Or me because I couldn't save her?" Ross snapped back at the female mechanic. "If Adam had kept that nutter away from us, the three of us would be well shot of this place by now!" Ross raged before his fist flung out and hit the garage door, breaking a panel.

"Oi! You'll be paying for that!" Cain shouted.

"Just take the rest of the day off Ross." Debbie told him. There was no point having him stay on any longer. There was only twenty minutes left until they closed up and Ross would be of no use. "Just go take it easy, calm down."

* * *

After being dismissed from work by Debbie, Ross soon made his way over to The Woolpack. He had found the previous night that a drink had helped. If he couldn't go get his answers from this Aaron guy, then he would block out the questions with alcohol. It wasn't going to do no harm to anyone else. If anything it would help all round.

Luckily his dad wasn't on shift, still working up at the farm and not helping his girlfriend out behind the bar. It was just Alisha and Diane stood behind the bar. No Chas to rat on him to his dad when he had had too many. By the time eight a clock rolled round he was drunk, could barely sit up straight at his table in the corner, let alone walk. It was good. It felt great. He couldn't think.

"Another please Diane?"

"I think you've had more than enough pet." Diane commented refusing to sell him any more drink if it wasn't a coffee or water.

"No, I need another." Ross drawled, barely able to hold his head up.

"No, what you need is a sleep and a coffee." Diane told him. He looked a sorry state. She had no idea what had brought him to need to get himself so completely drunk.

"No." Ross whined. "Alisha you'll get me another, won't you?"

"Listen to Diane. You've had more than enough." The younger barmaid told him.

"No, I need another." He mumbled, putting his head in his hands. He just needed one more, that was all.

"Sorry sweetie but not here. You should go home." Diane said.

"Fine." Ross grumbled, pushing himself up from his seat far too quickly. The room spun around him and it took him a while to gain his bearings. "I'll have another at home."

"Careful." Alisha and Diane warned as they watched him, and everyone else did in the pub, as he tried to make his way out.

Just as he finally reached the door and was about to open it to leave, it swung open and nearly knocked him clean to the floor. If hadn't of been for Pete's quick reactions, who had been walking in at the time, he would have fallen.

"Woah, easy there." Pete commented as he had hold of Ross by the upper arm. It was the only thing keeping him standing. "Had a little too much to drink?"

"I think you should take him home." Diane told the oldest Barton brother.

"Don't worry I will Diane, thank you." Pete said before he guided the younger man outside.

* * *

"Yeah dad, I've got him back to Andy's. He's had far too much to drink." Pete informed his dad on the phone. ". . . He can barely stand."

"Alright, I'll be right over. Let me just finish up here." James said on the other end. He was still up at the farm.

"Alright, see you then." Pete said before he hung up the phone and returned to keeping any eye on Ross.

He had left him slumped on the sofa. He had taken a bit of effort just to get him across the road and through the door. A drunk Ross, was always a difficult Ross. Halfway out of The Woolpack the younger Barton had realised that Pete was taking him from the pub and towards home. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to go find more drink. He had put up a fight, as much fight as a drunken person could do. He hadn't won. Pete had easily over ruled him and dragged him home.

"What state have you gotten yourself into, hey?"

"Oh don't start." Ross said sluggishly.

"I'm not starting anything." Pete admitted holding his hands up.

"Yes you are, you always are." Ross started.

"I'm not." Pete said. "Now how about we make you a strong cup of coffee and start sobering you up. You're a mess."


	7. Chapter 7

After being dismissed from work the other day, Debbie and Cain had made sure to keep Ross preoccupied at work. They were still worried that he would go to find Aaron and do something he would later regret. They were all trying to sort the huge mess out, but none them knew exactly what they were doing. Everyone was just trying their hardest and hoping for the best. Cain and Debbie had heard about Ross's drinking session in The Woolpack. James had even made an appearance the day after at the garage when Ross was on his lunch break, asking for Cain and Debbie to keep an eye on him and let him know if anything changed. They were all stepping on eggshells, unsure of what say or do.

Ross had been following the usual mundane routine. He had woken up, gone to work and gone home again. To anybody that was looking in from the outside, he looked to be doing okay. When he had woken up, with the world's worst hangover later on the other night, to find his dad and older brother there to lecture him on dealing with things differently, he had sworn he was not putting himself through that again. Not the drinking, he could handle the hangover. He couldn't handle his dad and older brother showing concern for him and lecturing him on what to do and not to do. He couldn't.

He was going to carry on with normal life as much as he could. He didn't like people worrying.

Cain and Debbie's efforts to keep Ross away from Aaron didn't work as well as they thought it would. The young mechanic had been round the side of the garage, looking for spare tyres to use to prop up the side of an old Corsa. It wasn't a very safe idea, but he didn't care. It was the last thing he had on his mind. The Jack lift he had been using had broken in one of his random fits of rage. Debbie had been inside, underneath a car with her ipod switched on, completely unaware of her surroundings. If she had been she would have noticed Ross spotting Aaron round the back of The Woolpack, speaking to his mum. She would have been able to stop Ross from going over.

The young mechanic tore through the small back gardens separating him from the man who had screwed up Donna and his chances from getting away safe. He shocked them both when he rugby tackled Aaron to the ground. The two young men collided harshly with the ground.

"JAMES!" Chas screamed over her shoulder after coming to her senses and calling for help.

They were ripping chunks out of each other, like wild animals. She couldn't bear to see them fight like that. She didn't want any harm caused to her son. But she couldn't break them up. They would blindly throw her to the side without a care as they flung punches at each other. She getting scared that somebody would spot Aaron, with all the commotion they were causing. He wasn't meant to be seen, he wasn't meant to be back in the country.

"JAMES!" She screamed for him again. There was blood now. Neither of them looked like they would be letting up any time soon.

* * *

"You killed my girlfriend!" Ross roared, throwing a punch into Aaron's back as Aaron gripped him around the waist, punching at the mechanic's kidneys.

Aaron stopped punching Ross and instead went to grab his leg and pull it out from underneath him. He floored the other man, jumping on top of him, straddling Ross and disabling him for a few seconds by throwing a disorientating punch to the side of the head.

"Aaron!" Chas shrieked. She was scared. She didn't want him getting into any more trouble.

"You killed your girlfriend. You're a Muppet!" Aaron sneered as he hung over Ross. "You killed her! It had nothing to do with me."

Ross glared back at the other man, before he used all his force to gain the upper hand and flip them over so he was on top. He blindly swung out at anything his fists would make contact with.

* * *

James came hurrying out of the back, wondering why Chas was shouting at him to come quickly. He had been washing up in the kitchen when he first heard Chas. They had just said goodbye to her Son who he had met for the first time that day. He found her son and his scrapping in the car park outside. What the hell had gone on? He needed to break them up and fast before either of them were seriously hurt and need immediate hospital treatment.

"Hey!" He shouted, trying to gain their attention. He swore he could hear bone break at that moment when Aaron swung his fist into Ross's side.

At that point he waded in. He didn't care if he would deflect some of the blows that weren't aimed at him. He needed to break them apart. There was nobody else there to help. He grabbed hold of Ross by the waist and tried to haul him backwards. He used all his force to try and control the wild Ross that had been unleashed. Chas stepped in then, trusting her son not hurt her, she stood in front of him, acting as a barricade between them.

"Easy, easy!" James warned, having to pin Ross against the back of the pub. "You need to calm down."

"I need to –."

"You don't need to do anything apart from calm down. You're not achieving anything in this state." James told him.

Ross was a mess. Blood poured down his face. He was in a worse state than he had been on the evening of Donna's death. James noticed how the young mechanic could barely hold himself up. As he heeded his father's words, he began to curl in on himself. James figured it was the ribs. Aaron must have broken one already bruised one from the blows he had been placing. The two could definitely fight!

"How's he holding up?" James asked over his shoulder at Chas who was keeping a good eye on her own son. Aaron was pacing back and forth, wiping blood from his nose and eyebrow.

"He'll be okay, no thanks to him." Chas commented, glaring at Ross.

"No thanks to him my girlfriend is dead!" Ross barked.

"No, it's thanks to you she's dead." Aaron corrected, stopping his pacing. "It's thanks to you getting her involved in that dodgy job that got her killed. It's thanks to you not being able to protect her that got her killed!"

James had to quickly hold him back as Ross tried to launch himself at Aaron.

"You killed her mate." Aaron dug in. "You're the only one that screwed up-."

"Alright, that's enough Aaron." Chas interrupted. She had seen that look in Ross's eyes before, not so long ago in her son's. It haunted her.

Aaron kept his mouth shut.

"Ross you need to calm down!" James panted as he tried to hold him back. Ross was doing everything in his power to shake James off of him.

He eventually managed to break free. What he did next shocked them all.

Ross swung his fists out and hit out at the wall. He just had so much anger built up inside of him. He needed to let it out, he couldn't hold it in. He wanted to aim it Aaron. However James and Chas stood in his way.

Before the young mechanic could break anymore bones, James grabbed hold of his arms and pulled him away from causing any more harm to himself.

"GET OFF ME!" Ross roared, throwing James's grip off of him again and storming off.

"ROSS!"

"Back off." Ross threatened as he walked off.

* * *

"He's wild." Chas commented as she sat round Moira and Cain's.

"Well where is he now?" Cain demanded to know. He had warned the man to keep away from Aaron.

"Don't Cain. He's in a right state. Aaron really did a number on him." Chas warned her brother. "Leave him alone. James's-."

"I don't care about James."

"Well I do. Ross isn't in a good place right now. You going round there and blowing things up won't help anyone. Just help me with Aaron." Chas asked.

Cain nodded his head. He listened to his sister.

* * *

He had gotten back the garage. Debbie was in the office, with the door closed on the phone to a customer most probably, or sorting out some deal on a part. Apparently she hadn't noticed that Ross had disappeared for a while. She most probably expected him to though.

He knocked over a bunch of tools on the side when he walked in, as thought about what Aaron had said. He was right. There was no one to blame but himself. He had gotten Donna involved. He could have done that job by himself. It was himself who had made the decision to get Adam involved. Donna had been against the idea when Ross had told her about Adam. It was his fault. He should have been more forceful when he told her he could do it himself. She didn't need to go with him.

He could have stopped her on the rooftop as well. He didn't know how he could, but he could have. He should have ran towards her, tried more to save her. Anything! He had failed her. He had lost her. It was his fault.

His breaths were coming short, shallows bursts. He felt like he was trying to breathe rocks, not air. He was really struggling. His chest was tight, it felt like somebody was crushing it tighter and tighter. He was beginning to panic now. Why couldn't he breathe? What the hell was wrong with him?

* * *

"Urgh! Customers! They are never happy." Debbie raged as she flew out of the office, putting one of her ear buds back into her ear. "I've just had that man with the Mazda from the other week, on the phone to me for a good twenty minutes!"

Debbie walked around the orange car that sat inside the garage. She had seen Ross walk in a minute ago but where had he gone to?

"Ross?"

She found him.

He was sat on the floor. His knees up to his chest and his head in his hands. She could see his body rising and falling rapidly. Was he crying?"

"Ross?"

She took out the ear bud from her left ear. She could hear it now. The short loud struggling breathes.

"Omg! Ross!"

* * *

Authors note: Thank you everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

He was straining to breathe. Each breath was a struggle. Debbie was alarmed at how pale Ross looked. She had gotten down to the floor and knelt beside him. The female mechanic had taken her hand to Ross's chin and tilted his head up so she could get a good look at him. He was clawing at his top, pulling it away from his skin, his throat. His eyes were wild, looking erratically around the room. He had jumped when she had first touched him, flinched away from her.

"Ross what's the matter?" Debbie asked him loudly. She wasn't sure if there was something physically wrong with him, considering how beat up he looked, or if he was having a panic attack again. It had scared her the first time he had had a panic attack. It took a while to calm him down then. She beginning to worry, to panic herself. How had he gotten himself beaten up so bad? Had one of Gary North's friends came round and paid him visit at work while she had been none the wiser in the office on the phone to a customer.

His heart was racing at an unhealthy rate, it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He couldn't breathe, his body wouldn't allow him to. His own body was rebelling against him. He was surrounded by an overwhelming sense of fear. But why? He was Ross Barton, he feared no one and nothing. Ross feels helpless. He can't take in a decent breath without choking or coughing. He can't stop himself from shaking uncontrollably. His vision starts to get clouded, his eyes feel heavy. He's hit hard with dizziness, lack of air most probably.

He feels like he's drowning above water.

Debbie panics. Ross's eyes begin to droop closed. She can't get his attention nor help him get his breathing under control. She's frightened his going to lose consciousness.

"Ross, I need you to breathe." She tells him. It sounds easier than it is.

"Debbie? ROSS?!" James called up the forecourt before he broke out into a run to close the distance between them quicker. "What's happened? Ross?!"

"I think he's having another panic attack!" Debbie panicked herself. Ross wasn't with it. His head was beginning to drop as his breathing remained shallow and shaking.

"Okay, okay. We need to stay calm!" James told her sternly as he crouched down on the floor beside her. "How long has been like this?"

"Err. . . about ten minutes or so. I have tried to-!" Debbie spluttered.

"I know, I know. Let's just concentrate on keeping him calm." James said as he gripped Ross hard by the shoulders and tried to look him directly in the eyes. "Ross, son, you need to concentrate on your breathing."

"I think maybe we should get some paramedics out." Debbie suggested, Ross's skin pallor was starting to freak her out.

"No. We can help him. Do you know what caused him to…?" James asked.

"No, I just found him like this."

* * *

"Pete, when you get this message call me back. I'm at the hospital with Ross." James left a message on his oldest son's mobile. He had tried and failed to get hold of him. "He's had a panic attack."

The farmer ran his hands over his face and hair. He was stressed, tired and worried out of his mind. Never before had he had to accompany any of his son's in an ambulance before. He had been stood waiting in hospital corridors for news on one of his son's condition before. He had hoped the first time would be last time with Finn. But no, sadly he was stood waiting for news on Ross.

Thankfully he had been told some news about Ross by one of the doctors. He was in fact suffering from a severe panic attack. They had sedated him and got him on oxygen to calm him down and get breathing back to normal. They had also checked over his injuries he had sustained from his fight with Aaron. James had explained that the younger man had gotten them through fighting in town over a misunderstanding. He didn't want to drop Aaron into it. However they had wanted to run some further texts just to be on the safe side. So that was what he was waiting for.

He had only come out of Ross's room to call Pete, to let him know what had happened and if he could pick them up when they were finished at the hospital. He had no other ride home for them. He had debated on calling Finn too, but he knew he would only worry too much and he had enough on his plate as it was at the moment. He didn't think it would be fair. Debbie had offered to go with him and Ross in the ambulance to support them, but he kindly declined her offer. He didn't want to make a big thing of it and he knew Ross wouldn't. They needed to make sure that they kept things under wraps. Sooner or later people were going to start questioning why Ross is in such a state after Donna's death and start putting things together. It wasn't good.

"Mr Barton?"

"Yes?" James answered, turning to the voice who had called him.

"The results from the tests we ran came back and Ross will be just fine. They were just precautions. As soon as his sedation has worn if you may take him home." Doctor Knight explained to James. "We would however suggest that Ross makes an appointing with his GP. You said this was the second attack he has had?"

"Yes, why?"

"If he makes an appointment with his GP they can help him find ways to manage his panic attacks." Doctor Knight told him. "I would advise he do so. In the meantime, no stress and plenty of rest."

"Okay, thank you Doctor."

"Dad, I'm fine!" Ross snapped, snatching his hooded top from James's outreached hand when Pete and Finn walked through the door of his room.

"We go your message, came as soon as we heard." Pete greeted his dad, before he looked at Ross, really looked at him. "How are you?"

Ross rolled his eyes. Why was everyone asking him that? "I'm fine, like I said. Now can everyone stop making a big deal about it?" He was embarrassed.

"Are you though? You can tell us if you're not." Finn told him. The youngest Barton sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. "You've been through a lot. It's bound to have some effects on you."

Ross stared at his shoes, as he legs hung off of the edge of the bed. As soon as he had been aware after coming round from the sedation they had given him, and told he was discharged, he had wasted no time getting his shoes on to go.

"Can we all just forget about it? It's embarrassing!" Ross told them, slipping off the bed to his feet. "Are we going home or not?"

Finn placed his hand on Ross's arm. "It's okay. Plenty of people have panic attacks, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Do you know what caused it?"

Ross shrugged Finn's hand from his arm and walked out the room.

"Come on boys, we'll talk in the car." James stood and moved to follow after his tearaway son.

* * *

Authors note: Thank you for all those who continue to read. Thank you for the follows, favourites and fabulous reviews. I am so happy to hear that this is a favourite for some of you. It means a lot thank you.


	9. Chapter 9

"How's he doing?" Chas asked as she stepped into the back room of The Woolpack.

It had been four days since Ross had been admitted and discharged from hospital due to a severe panic attack. James had thought long and hard about the actions he would take from then on to help his son. He was ashamed of himself for not being there to prevent Ross from falling too far. He was fast running out of ideas. Just being there for him wasn't enough. Ross didn't want the help or support. He content with shutting himself away and bottling it all up and it wasn't healthy. The other day proved that to them all.

So he had decided that Ross would be living with him. He didn't want him staying at Andy's anymore. He couldn't keep on eye him there. He needed him with him and the other boys. They all needed to be together a family to help him through it all. The longer he stayed at Andy's by himself, the more he was shutting himself off. Andy hardly spent any time at his own place now, so it meant Ross was more and more by himself.

James knew that Moira had a lot going on up at the farm with Adam living back at home and hiding Aaron from the police, but he needed somewhere where all of his family could be together. Finn and Pete were still living at the farm. He knew it was a bit much, but he was desperate. He had spoken to Moira the night of Ross being discharged and explained everything to her. She already knew everything about Donna and the dodgy job they had all gotten involved in, so it just left Ross's decline into self-destruct to be explained. Thankfully she was understanding and knew how important it was to have family around to help a loved one. She agreed for James and Ross to move in for a short while, until he was back on his feet. Only under the condition that Ross didn't cause any trouble with Aaron. She told him she would deal with Cain if he had anything to say about it all.

Getting Moira to agree for them moving back into the farm wasn't the difficult part. It was getting Ross to agree. He was a stubborn young man. He had ran away from home and severed all contact with his family a few years back, so making him agree to move back in with his family wasn't going to be easy. Admittedly, the only way James managed to get the young mechanic to agree to move back into the farm was only because he asked him when he was exhausted and close to dropping off to sleep at moment. To be honest, James doubted that Ross had a clue to what he was agreeing to.

"He's getting there, I think." James told Chas. He had nipped back to the pub to fetch a few more items of clothing whilst Ross was still sleeping. He thought it was a safe time to disappear for a few minutes. "I managed to get him to agree to see his GP on Monday."

"Wow, blimey." Chas exclaimed, a little shocked. She had heard all about Ross's panic attacks. It had shocked James. No one would have thought Ross of all people would suffer from them. She could only sympathise with her boyfriend. She knew what it was like to worry about a son.

"Yeah." James puffed out. He was surprised to. It had been a quite past few days at the farm. Ross had been kept away from Aaron, so thankfully there hadn't been another outburst. However he highly doubted that Ross had the energy to have another go, the last panic attack seemed to have sapped him from any energy all together. "I was just as surprised as you are."

"Well it's a good thing he's agreed to. They will help him out loads." Chas assured him. "Plus it's good that he's getting help this early and not later on when things could be a whole lot worse!"

"Yeah."

"How was he when you left him?"

"Still sleeping. I should be getting back before he wakes up."

"Yeah course, let me know how things are going."

"Thank you. . . I mean it, for everything."

* * *

At Butlers Farm Moira was busy putting together enough food for everyone to eat for lunch. She had eight mouths to feed! She had already made the sandwiches and was just faffing about with finding crisps and cake to put on the table as well, they all men she was feeding! They could all put away a fair amount.

"Alright mum, how's it going?" Adam asked walking into the kitchen from outside.

"Oh here you are, you can take your food and Aaron's to eat outside in the barn." Moira said, grabbing two plastic lunch boxes with sandwiches, crisps, fruit and cake inside and shoving them into Adam's hands.

"Thanks mum." Adam thanked before disappearing outside again. He and Aaron had been hiding outside in the barns since the previous night. Aaron had been heard to have been spotted in the village last night and reported to the police. They were keeping him hidden in one of the many barns just in case the police decided to call round at random.

"Cain, could you round up everyone please, lunch is ready." Moira called through to Cain who was sat in the living room reading the paper.

With a huff Cain got to his feet and set the newspaper to the side.

* * *

The older mechanic had gotten Pete and Finn in from outside. Finn had kindly agreed to help out at the farm that morning. They were both dressed in overalls and covered in mud. The two boys had gladly dropped into seats at the kitchen table, happy to finally be able to take a few minutes rest from working hard all morning.

"What about Ross?" Moira questioned her husband as he was about to sit down himself.

"What about him? He's asleep upstairs." Cain said, pulling his chair out.

"Go wake him up, his lunch his ready." Moira ordered, deflecting the glare sent her way by Cain.

"I can go get him." Finn piped up, already pushing his chair back.

"No, you're okay. You're already sat down. Cain can go do it." Moira said. She sent a final look to Cain and began to eat her own lunch.

"Can't see why we can't just let him sleep." Cain commented before he left the room to get Ross.

* * *

Cain reached Pete and Finn's room which Ross had been sharing with them. He knocked on the door loudly and stood back waiting for an answer. When none came a few moments later, Cain knocked once more before letting himself in.

Ross was sat up in bed, looking like he had just seen a ghost. He looked tired, really tired.

"You alright kid?" Cain asked concerned as he stepped further into the room. The curtains were still drawn so it was difficult to see properly in the room.

Ross nodded his head slowly and swallowed. "Yeah."

Cain tried to weigh him up. They were all a little worried about Ross. "Well if you're sure. Moira's asked me to come get you down for lunch."

Ross nodded his head again. He didn't trust his voice to speak. He was frightened that he would sound weak and shaken. He was shaken but he didn't want Cain to know that.

"I'll go let her know that you're coming down then." Cain left the room after looking Ross up and down one last time.

* * *

"He's coming down." Cain announced as he entered the kitchen. He sat down at the table opposite his wife and tucked into the meal she had prepared.

"Did he seem okay?" Moira asked.

Cain nodded his head as he swallowed down the mouthful he had bitten into. "Okay as you could be considering."

The kitchen door opened up and James walked inside, carrying a couple of duffle bags. He placed them on the floor just inside the living room.

"You're back just in time." Moira said to James, gesturing to the food on the table and the spare seats in between her and Cain.

James smiled. "Thank you." He took the seat closest to Moira and looked around the table. "Where's Ross? Still sleeping?"

"He should be coming down."

* * *

He had had the nightmare again. He had woken himself up as he had thrashed around in the bed, in a cold sweat, panting and calling out for Donna. Every time he had the nightmare it changed ever so slightly. This time he had been the one to handcuff Donna to Gary. He had just stood back.

She fell. Silence. Her body hit the ground. He woke up screaming for her.

* * *

He was trying to ignore how everyone was being around him. Usually people couldn't stand to be around him. They never had a nice word to say to him, always putting him down or blocking him out. It was different now. They were all treading on egg shells, frightened to say something that would set him off. They were constantly being nice to him, too nice. He was always being asked if he was okay. The way people looked him as well. They no longer looked at him like he was scum, a problem. They looked at him with sympathy and concern, like he was going to fall apart at any moment. It didn't comfort him. It unnerved him, all of it did.

All eyes were on him as he walked through from the living room into the kitchen. Pete and Finn had definitely changed around him. Usually Pete could only put him down. He now acting like the caring big brother. He had always wanted to have some love or care thrown his way from his brothers and dad, no matter how small. Who knew it would take a secret girlfriend killing herself, to make it happen.

He silently took a seat next to his dad and Cain, trying to ignore everyone else. Another reason why had been sleeping so much, or trying to at least. Not only was he physically and mentally exhausted but he kept finding the need to hide from everyone else. He found pretending to sleep helped a lot.

He looked at the food in front of him and began to robotically place the food in his mouth, bit down and chew. He kept his eyes down, frightened that if he were to catch anyone's eyes they would try to engage him in conversation. Unfortunately that didn't work.

"Ross, me and Pete overloaded with work outside if you fancy giving us a hand. If you feel up to it, that is." Finn suggested trying to get him to talk.

"I don't think that's a good idea." James interrupted before Ross could even answer if he wanted to.

"Why? Maybe Ross could do with keeping himself occupied. He's been held up in that room for the past few days." Moira chirped up.

This was another thing that was beginning to get on Ross's nerves. Everyone was talking about him like he wasn't there, making decisions for him when he was perfectly capable of making them himself.

"Yeah I will." Ross said.

Finn smiled. "Great."

"Ross, I don't think-." James didn't look happy.

He was still capable of doing things. He had a panic attack. So what? When would they all forget about it and move on. He was sick of it all. He still felt humiliated that he felt like he was dying in front of Debbie and his dad and now everyone knew about it. Everyone had changed around him. They all thought he was soft, delicate. Well no more.

"If wants to dad, let him." Pete defended his younger brother.

* * *

It had been an awful long time since Ross had helped out on any farm. He had disappeared four years ago from his dad's farm, without a single word for nearly all of those years. When he had stumbled through Moira's doors after being shot, it was the first time he had stepped foot on a farm in all those years. Who knew he would be helping out on his family's farm after swearing he would never lift another hay bale or drive another tractor again when he had walked out? He certainly didn't.

He was stood outside in one of the old barns with his two brothers. They needed to fix a fence up in one of the top fields before they had to go pick up a feeding order in town. It needed all three of them to fix the fence. They were in the barn collecting the materials they would need before chucking them into the back of one of the trucks and driving up.

Pete's phone rang in his pocket. "You alright Debbie?"

* * *

Ross hadn't been much help when he was meant to be helping his brother's out. He kept dropping the wire when he was told to hold it up while they hammered it into place, or getting in their way when he was supposed to be fetching things or standing back. He was more of a hindrance. However Pete and Finn took it all in the stride just happy to have their brother around so they could watch him. It had been cold up in one of the top fields, the wind blowing harshly across their faces as they tried to work, despite the august month.

The young mechanic was now sat in the front passenger's seat of the grey truck, waiting for Pete to hop back in so they could carry on with their journey into town to pick up their feed order. He was busy minding his own business, staring out over the village while his brother was speaking to Debbie in the garage. Pete had parked the truck just outside The Woolpack. He had nipped into the café and picked up a few coffees whilst he was in the village before going over to see his girlfriend. They had taken a little detour before going into Hotton. Ross hadn't really been listening while Pete had explained why he needed to see Debbie. He didn't really care to be honest. He was just grateful for the break away from the farm.

He had been sipping on the coffee that Pete had given him before he had left him alone, when his ears perked up at the mention of Donna's name. Marlon and Bob had been walking past the truck from the Café to The Woolpack. The two of them had been in deep discussion about Donna and April. The windows to the truck had been rolled down slightly so he could listen clearly to what the two older men were saying to each other.

"I really think she should be there," Bob pleaded with the Chef.

Marlon had shaken his head. "No. I don't want her there."

"It's her mum's funeral Marlon!"

"I know. I just don't think it's suitable. She won't understand."

"She's got to be there tomorrow. It will help her understand it all better."

Tomorrow? Donna's funeral was tomorrow. Why had nobody told him? Surely his brothers, dad or Cain had heard about it in the village. They could have told him. Why hadn't they?

He jumped out of his skin when Pete opened the door to the truck and climbed in. "Alright?"

"Yeah."


	10. Chapter 10

Victoria had just finished work and was waiting in The Woolpack for Finn to meet her. She had been texting him during her last hour of her shift and they had agreed to have drinks and talk after she had finished. She was eager to know more about how his search for his mum was going and if there was any more news. She felt bad for him. She knew exactly what it was like to not have a mum around. She had Diane, a mother figure in her life, but it wasn't the same. Her mum had died when she was really young. Fortunately for Finn he could see his mum again.

She had been waiting at the bar for a good half an hour before she finally had enough of waiting and grabbed her bag ready to leave. As she got up and turned to leave she bumped into a flustered Finn, who had finally decided to make an appearance. A good thirty minutes later after agreeing to meet.

"You took your time." Victoria commented, forgetting the standard 'hello, how are you?'

"Yeah sorry about that, something came up."

"Something came up? Like what?" Victoria pushed. She was annoyed, very annoyed. There had to be a good reason why he had left her waiting without a text to let her know he had gotten held up.

"Ross back at the farm. He had another panic attack." Finn told her. It had threw him a bit. He knew about his brother's previous attacks but had never witnessed them himself. He was so used to him being the strong older brother.

"Let me get us some drinks in and you can tell me about it." Victoria ordered, taking the lead. She could see he was a little thrown by it all. "Go take a table over there and I'll bring them over."

"Thank you."

Five minutes later, Victoria had gotten them both drinks and brought them over to the table where she had told Finn to sit down. The youngest Barton brother had his head in his hand and clearly looked a little down. She pushed his drink across the table to him and took a few sips of her own before speaking again.

"So what happened? What caused it?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. We, me and him, were just sitting in the living room watching tv when all of a sudden he starts . . . He starts hyperventilating." He fidget in his seat before carrying on. "It was really scary. I mean I know he's had a couple before but never, never have I been there when he has had one. I didn't know what to do."

"It's bound to throw anyone."

"I didn't know what to do Victoria! He was just sitting there, unable to breath, shaking. . . and I just sat there, frozen." Finn sighed, running his hand threw his hair. "I didn't do anything."

"It's a pretty scary thing Finn, I wouldn't get on to yourself too much." Victoria tried to assure him. Personally she had never been around somebody when they had a panic attack she didn't know exactly what to do herself.

"It took dad to calm him down. While I was just useless."

"You're not useless."

Finn snorted in disbelief. "Going by what happened this evening I would say I was."

"Is he okay now? Ross?"

"Yeah, I think so. Dad calmed him down, he went for a lie down after that."

Victoria was still a little surprised that Ross was suddenly having panic attacks out of nowhere. Everyone was. Like typical Village gossip, the news of his admittance to hospital had made its rounds. "Do you know what's causing them? Has he given you any clue or told you why he's having them yet?"

Finn shook his head. "No." He couldn't tell Victoria the truth. He couldn't tell her that Ross and Donna had secretly been dating. That his brother had well and truly fallen head of heels in love with the police officer. He couldn't tell her that they were both caught up in a really dodgy job, having been out on The Rob together, and he had watched her throw herself from the rooftop car park. He just couldn't.

"That's a little odd. . . I'm sure he will be fine."

* * *

It had been pretty scary for Finn. He had been sat next to his brother on the sofa, watching a repeat of a football match on TV. He hadn't really been that interested into it, but there had been nothing else worth watching on that evening. He was tired after the day's work helping out on the farm on his day off and was just grateful for some time to unwind. Ross had been silently sat next to him, eyes fixed on the TV as he lounged back with his legs sprawled stretched out in front of him.

Finn had first been alerted to something not being right when he could hear little gasps from Ross. He had turned and asked "Are you alright?" and gotten a simple nodded and an aggravated point towards the TV to signal for him to drop it and shut up so he could watch the game.

A few moments went by before he couldn't ignore it any longer. Ross was visibly shaking beside him. He could feel the vibrations as he sat next to him on the sofa. The young mechanic was choking for a breath and screwing his eyes shut as he desperately tried to stop his body from rebelling against him.

Finn had just sat there in pure shock as he watched his brother unravel in front of him. He didn't know what to do. He had never been in this situation before.

Five minutes into Ross having another panic attack at the farm out of the blue, James had walked in. As soon as he stepped inside the kitchen from the outside he could hear his son strangled shallow breaths as he struggled to force air into his lungs and regulate his heartbeats. Their dad had shot threw into the living room and moved Finn out of the way so he could be close to his son and help him.

Finn had just stood back, watching the whole situation. Scared and shaken he watched as his dad calmed his brother down and guided him up the stairs to lie down.

* * *

Moira, James and Cain were all sat downstairs in the kitchen that evening. All drinking cups of tea. It was quite civil between them all. The last time James had been living at the farm there had been quite some fallouts and disruption between the three of them. Now though, it seemed as though their focus was elsewhere.

"Does he know that Donna's funeral is tomorrow?" Moira asked James.

"I don't think so. He hasn't mentioned anything about it, nor have I said anything to him either." James told her. It was a difficult decision he was stuck on. "I don't know whether to or not."

"You don't. You let him know about her funeral and he'll be there." Cain shook his head. It would only cause trouble if Ross were to be at her funeral. Marlon wouldn't want him there and neither would laurel. There would be arguments and who knew what would come out then. "It's best he don't go."

"He has every right to be there." Moira disagreed. "Laurel and Marlon will just have to put up with it if he wants to go. It's Donna's funeral."

"If only it were that easy." James sighed and rubbed his forehead. His ears pricked up when he thought he heard a noise upstairs.

"You can't hide it from him. He'll find out and he won't be happy." Moira couldn't believe the two men. They were going to gladly deny Ross the opportunity to say goodbye to Donna. He was struggling enough as it was, he was all over the place. Going to Donna's funeral would maybe answer a few unresolved questions he had or at least ease the pain of dealing with it all slightly if that.

* * *

Author's note: Really hope I'm not boring any of you with this. Please let me know what you all think? Where I should take it etc. First fic so sorry if it's not that great!


	11. Chapter 11

It was the morning of Donna's funeral. James had been awake most of the night, unable to sleep as he fretted over his middle son. He knew today was going to be very difficult for him, if he knew it was his girlfriend's funeral. Both he and Cain had agreed it would be for the best if Ross was to not attend the funeral. It was going to be an emotional day for everyone. They all feared that the presence of Ross at the funeral would spark greater emotions from Marlon and heated words would be exchanged. Words which they all knew would shed too much light on Donna's last few days, weeks. As far as he was aware he didn't think Ross knew about the funeral. It didn't stop him worrying though.

James had gotten a little sleep. He awoke that morning a littler after eight, a little later than usual having spent most of the night bright eyed. Once showered and dressed he had made his way across the hall to the boy's bedroom to check in on Ross. Lately the young mechanic slept in quite a lot most mornings or at least pretended to. He only knocked once on the door before peering round the door. He found the room empty, all three bed's unmade, typical. Despite Finn spending most of his days at work changing and making beds he still couldn't make his own.

"Have you seen Ross anywhere Pete?" James asked his son when he entered the kitchen.

The oldest brother shook his head as he finished drinking his cup of tea at the table. "No, sorry."

"You've not seen him at all this morning?" James questioned, his heart rate going up a little. The last thing he needed was for Ross to go missing today.

Again, Pete shook his head. "He was up and gone before any of us woke this morning I think."

"And you didn't think to come wake me?"

"No, sorry." His brother was a grown man. Yes he was going through a tough time at the moment and had gotten himself worked up in to big states lately, but he couldn't baby him.

"You'll have to manage on the farm without me this morning." James told his son, grabbing his coat from the hook by the door.

"What? Why?"

"I need to find Ross."

"He's a grown man, dad. Let him have some time to himself."

"It's Donna's funeral today. If he finds out. . ."

He left it at, leaving the farm house.

* * *

Ross hadn't slept the night before. He had gone upstairs to bed before everyone else, mainly just to be in a room by himself where nobody would be treading on eggshells around him. He liked being on his own, it gave him space to think about Donna, remember everything about her. Although sometimes thinking about her often turned to bad memories of the last moments with her. He would be remembering her smile, her laugh, how she used to trace patterns along his arm as they laid in bed and how she screwed up her nose when he wound her up, then the good memories would start fading, get harder to hold on to before all he could see was her struggling for a decent breath in the car seat next to him and the sound of her body hitting the car at the bottom. It haunted him day and night.

He had pretended to be asleep when his brother's walked in the room and went to bed themselves. He listened to them for hours, snoring and breathing. Ross waited until it began to grow light outside before he crept out of bed, changed clothes and sneaked out the room. It wasn't hard for him to sneak out the house without anyone knowing. Before anyone noticed that he wasn't at the farm house, he was a couple of miles away just walking through the fields surrounding the village. He knew his dad and Cain didn't want him to know about Donna's funeral let alone attend it. He had overheard them the previous night, talking about him and what they thought would be for the best. What did they know? So what if Marlon wouldn't like him being there. Donna was his girlfriend. He was going to be there whether anyone liked it or not. He knew that if he stayed in the house his dad would think of things to keep him occupied, distracted from what the day held. No, he wasn't going to let that happen.

* * *

He had looked everywhere for him. He was gone. James had searched the entire village, The Woolpack, the garage, the cricket pavilion, the church hall, the church, Andy's place, the park and the café. He was nowhere to be seen. He had even begun a search of looking round the areas that surrounded the village but he knew that would be like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Ross had always been good at disappearing. He had disappeared for two years not so long ago and even as a child he had disappeared and ran away on several occasions. He could even remember Ross pulling a disappearing act on the teachers at primary school not long after his mum had walked out. He had gotten himself into serious trouble then. He always got himself into serious trouble when he went missing.

"Do you want to come help you look for him?" Finn asked his dad, concerned with how worried his dad looked.

"No, I can manage, just keep a look out for him." James said. "You need to be at work."

"It's all right dad, Val and Eric will understand." Finn assured him. He wanted to help. He knew how much worry Ross was causing his dad.

* * *

Ross had snuck into Andy's without anybody seeing him. He had seen his dad walking round the village asking people if they had seen him all morning. He didn't want his dad to find him. James would only stop him from going to the funeral. The young mechanic had even overheard James talking to Andy. He had snuck in through the back door of the cottage, thankfully the living room door had been shut but he could make out Andy speaking to James at the front door. Andy had assured James that if he saw Ross he would let him know straight away. Upon hearing that, he had snuck straight back out of the cottage before Andy closed the door on his dad and found him in his house.

He waited until Andy had left the cottage before he crept back in again. He needed to change into his suit that was still hanging in his wardrobe in his room upstairs. He couldn't attend Donna's funeral looking a complete scruff. She always liked him in a suit. She could never keep her eyes off him or stop them from roaming up and down his body. He loved the devilish glint she would get in her eyes.

He needed to shower to. It ended up being a quick one, the risk of Andy catching him in the cottage and alerting his dad was too high. Ross made short work of changing into his dark slate grey suit, matching tie and white shirt. He had worn it for Moira and Cain's wedding, the first time he had had made himself known to Donna Windsor.

Unfortunately he hadn't been as quick as he hoped. Just as he was running down the stairs, ready to leave. Andy walked back into the house and caught him.

"Ross, what you doing here?" Andy asked, a little surprised to find him back in their place.

"What does it look like?" Ross snapped, pushing past to get into the kitchen. He grabbed the two sunflowers he had nicked from outside David's shop that morning, from the counter.

"Your dad's been looking for you." Andy told him, following him.

"And?"

"And he's a little worried about you." The older man said. "He said that I was to keep you here and let him know."

Ross snorted. He wasn't going to be kept anywhere. Nobody was stopping him from going to Donna's funeral. Andy wasn't going to keep him in the cottage. "Well you can tell my dad that I'm not going to allow you to keep me here."

Andy wasn't entirely sure on what was going on with Ross just lately. He knew it had something to do with Donna. He wasn't stupid, he had put together that much. He wasn't sure how much involvement Ross had with Donna. He knew however that Ross's behaviour recently had been influenced hugely by Donna's parting. He also knew that the younger man had his whole family worrying about him.

"Ross. . ." Andy sighed. He didn't want to fight with him. He would definitely gain the upper hand easily if he needed to. Ross would have no chance of getting past him.

"You're not going to stop me."

He could see Ross working out an escape route. He knew too that he stood no chance against Andy.

"You can't stop me. I NEED to go to that funeral today. I NEED to be there. I LOVED HER!" He pleaded with the older man. He didn't care how much he revealed. He never wanted him and Donna to be a secret, she did. He would try anything to get to that funeral.

* * *

Ross's desperate pleads had worked. Andy had let him leave, with no promises that he wouldn't let his dad know that he had seen him. He had left via the back door, not wanting to be caught by his dad who was still walking round the village looking for him. He had taken a little walk into the church grounds, where Donna would later be laid to rest. He had seen the hole already dug for her, the green carpet laid down. It made his blood run cold knowing that Donna would soon be left to rest there. It would make everything all the more real. It would finalise it all. He didn't want that. He wanted it to all be some sort of weird mixed up dream and he would wake up with her beside him, assuring him it was just a nightmare. That was never going to happen though. No matter how hard he pinched himself, this was a nightmare he was never going to wake up from.

He laid the sunflowers down by the empty grave, tears already forming in his eyes as the realness of it all hit hard again. After one long look at where his girlfriend would be buried he headed off to look for somewhere to hide near the church and plan how he was going to get in there.

Everyone was gathered around the church entrance outside. The whole village looked to have turned out to say their final goodbyes to a hero and a loving mother. He noticed that April wasn't there, from his hiding place from Marlon and laurel not too far away. She wasn't going to be given the chance to say goodbye to her mother. It angered him. He noticed Marlon and Laurel stood together next to the vicar and Bob. How could Marlon deny his daughter of saying goodbye?

His breath had caught in his throat when he saw the hearse making its way slowly through the village to the church. He couldn't look away. He couldn't get his head round the fact that Donna was in that hearse.

* * *

"If I could ask everyone to be making their way inside the church please." Harriet announced to the gathering around her as the hearse approached.

Unbeknownst to Marlon or Laurel, Ross joined the many people filtering into the church to pay their respects. Without hardly anyone realising he was there Ross sneaked in and found himself a seat hidden from most people's view. He even managed to get in without Cain or Debbie seeing him.

* * *

The whole ceremony had been lovely. Everyone had loved Donna and were all sad to see her no longer with them. They all wanted to pay their respects and many good words were shared. Ross had been unable to keep a dry eye, like most people in the church. It had broken his heart to hear Bob stand at the front and speak about how great a daughter and mother Donna was and how much she would be greatly missed by all. She had left a great big gaping hole that was unfair and cruel. She wasn't meant to die.

It had made him sick when Marlon stood up after Bob and rattled on about how much of a good woman Donna was. She caring and kind, gentle, a loving mother and wonderful woman. He spoke as though they were still married. He noticed how laurel shifted uncomfortably in her seat, listening to her soon to be husband pine after his ex-wife, feeling like second best.

The chef had only been half way through his reading when he spotted Ross sitting near to the bar. His eyes had gone wide and he had stopped speaking. The young mechanic could see the anger and rage building up in the older man as he stood there glaring at him. Everyone had turned to see what had stopped Marlon from speaking. He just glared back at the chef, unperturbed by him.

"What are you doing here!?" Marlon had raged, uncaring that he was causing a scene, ruining Donna's funeral. ". . . I asked you what are you doing here?! You have no right!"

"And who are you to say!" Ross had barked back. He could see Cain glaring at him from across the aisle. The older mechanic wasn't happy either.

"Get out."

Ross remained where he was. Betty and Pearl were now whispering heatedly to one and other a few rows in front.

"I said GET OUT!" Marlon shouted angrily. He didn't give Ross a chance to react. He was marching down the aisle to Ross's row, ready to man handled him out himself. "I want you out now!"

He aggressively made his way past two police man who had worked with Donna and were now sat on the same row as Ross and Val and Eric who had kicked up a fuss at being so rudely pushed past. Marlon grabbed Ross by the arm and hauled him to his feet. He was making a show, causing a scene. This wasn't how Donna was to be remembered.

"What are you going? Get off me." Ross exclaimed, trying to rip his arm from Marlon's tight grip.

"I'm not having you here."

Ross eventually managed to rip his arm from Marlon's grip after being hauled out as far as the aisle. He was a little surprised that the police men hadn't stepped into stop what was happening. Everyone else seemed to be a little surprised too, by the scene that was being caused by Marlon. "I'm not going anywhere." Ross growled menacingly. He wasn't going to be ordered about and man handled by a jumped up chef who thought he was the only man to ever care about Donna. "This day isn't about you and what you want. It's about Donna!" He spat, not caring that everyone else could hear what he was saying to Marlon. "This is about Donna and what she would want."

Marlon snorted in disbelief. "And what would you know about what Donna would have wanted." Marlon threw back at him. He didn't know who Ross thought he was. He had been the one who had been married to Donna once before. He had known the woman longer, he even had a child with her.

This was exactly what James and Cain had been afraid of happening. Ross attending the funeral and Marlon disapproving. They had known it wouldn't go well.

"Damn sight more than you! I loved that girl. She was everything to me. We loved each other." Gasps sounded round the church.

"Love? She never loved you." Marlon laughed, trying to hurt the younger man.

"She told me she did before she died-."

"Woah! Don't you think you're causing a scene? Let's all calm down and get back to remembering Donna." Cain interrupted as he jumped to his feet, stopping Ross from saying too much.

"I know she would have waned her daughter here-." Marlon swung his fist and landed a solid punch into Ross's jaw. The young mechanic stumbled back, falling to the floor as those behind him failed to keep him standing as they broke his fall. The mention of April had caused Marlon's anger to tip over the edge.

"Don't you ever tell me what Donna would have wanted when it concerns April!"

Cain had pushed his way through the rows of seats he had been sat as soon as Marlon had swung for the younger man. Things had gone too far. It was a funeral not a fight club. He couldn't understand why nobody else had tried to stop the scene that Marlon had caused. It was disgraceful! They needed to show their respect.

The older mechanic picked Ross up from the floor and tried to get a look at his face to see the damage. Ross however had shrugged him off, before storming out the church. He had turned to Marlon then glaring at his cousin. He didn't care that he was family. He was disgusted by his behaviour. How could he act so disrespectfully and immature at a woman's funeral. Did he have no respect? He couldn't understand what Marlon's problem was with Ross either. He was divorced from Donna, it had happened years ago. He was with laurel now. He shouldn't have any romantic feelings for the dead woman now. Yes they had a daughter together and they still got along but that was it. Donna had chosen Ross. Donna had chosen to see Ross. She was grown woman and was capable of making her own choices, one of them being the young mechanic. She had also chosen to get involved with dodgy criminals and dangerous jobs that could go wrong. Ross hadn't forced her to.

"Shall we carry on?" Harriet had piped up, still stood at the front waiting to carry out the rest of the service.

* * *

Ross was furious. He was angry with him and with Marlon. They had ruined Donna's funeral. It wasn't meant to be wrecked by him and Marlon at each other's throats. They were supposed to be celebrating her life, remembering her and saying goodbye. He hadn't even gotten that bit right. Why had he been so stupid and thought he could attend the funeral with no problems? What had he been thinking? Of course he would have been noticed by Marlon sooner or later, of course an argument would have followed.

He only wanted to say goodbye. He hadn't had a chance to on the car park rooftop before Donna had flung herself off the top. He had been frozen to the spot, locked in his own body unable to move or speak.

He didn't realise he had gotten himself worked up into a state again. Ross had gotten as far as the garage, hiding from his dad forgotten about, before he realised he was shaking and breathing was becoming a little harder. He needed to calm himself down. He didn't want to have another panic attack. Each time he felt ashamed after calming down and realising what a fool he had made of himself. He needed to toughen up, Donna had made him soft.

"Ross! There you are!" James came running towards him.

* * *

His dad hadn't been too happy. He had escorted Ross back to the farm. The entire drive back had been filled with James lecture on disappearing and how he had had everyone worried. He had tried to question him about the mark on his face too, wanting to know what had happened. Had he gotten into a fight with Marlon at the funeral? Had he even gotten into the funeral? So many questions. He had just shook his head at everyone. He didn't feel like answering his dad.

Fortunately James had gotten the message that Ross just wanted to be left alone. He had allowed the young mechanic to disappear upstairs. However upstairs alone, he struggled to keep himself calm and suppress the tell-tale signs of a panic attack arising. Ross tried to busy himself with changing out of his suit and into a clean set of clothes. Once Ross had changed and hung his suit up he was left with nothing to do, nothing to occupy him. He was shaking badly, his heart beat thumping too loudly in his ears and the walls were closing in on him.

He jumped when he heard Pete slam the door downstairs upon his entrance. As soon as he realised his older brother was heading up the stairs and soon to find him on the brink of another panic attack, Ross rushed out of the room he shared and flew into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it too. He stood with his back against the door for a while, his eyes looking skyward as he tried to breathe deeply.

"Ross are you in there?" Pete called through the bathroom door.

"Yeah." He stuttered back.

"I was going to head into town in a bit, wondered if you wanted anything?"

"No, I'm alright." He stumbled, his breath hitching slightly.

"Are you alright?" Pete could hear something was wrong.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ross said as he began to pace the room. He was starting to panic now. He was panicking about Pete finding him having another panic attack and that he couldn't control it.

"Are you sure?"

As he paced back and forth in the small room, his eyes cast upon a small bottle stood on a nearly empty shelf in the bathroom cabinet above the sink. Somebody had left it open, allowing him to see what was inside. The small bottle was a brown medical bottle with a white push and screw cap. A white label was stuck across the middle and he picked it up to read. It was for John Barton, Moira's husband who had died a couple of years ago, his dad's brother. It looked to be a bottle of strong pain killers. He could remember Adam telling him about his dad dislocating or breaking his knee due to a farming accident a couple of years before he died. The pills must be what he had been prescribed during that time for the injury. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said as he began to unscrew the bottle and tip out the contents onto his shaking hand.


End file.
